Uncomfortable. (warning a lot of self hate due to weight don’t wanna hear it then don’t read)
It’s happening again. i am so physically uncomfortable in my own skin. in clothing. in my body. on furniture. I feel completely disgusting. i try hard to stay in shape to not eat a lot. kinda hate myself for not keeping better track of myself. why did i starting eating whatever. stop working out. i really hate myself for this. i just want to be able to sit comfortably with out back fat touching fucking love handles. fuck. it’s good i don’t have anyone in my life who has to touch me right now. I wouldn’t let him for fear of one of us vomitting. him for having to touch me for being more aware of my own body. i really wish i could just take knife to my stomach, sides and thighs and slice off the weight. of course i can’t. of course i won’t. i’m a logical person so i write these thoughts down rather than acting on them. i just hate myself. i wish i could be an attractive human being. but i’m not and it is entirely 100% my own fucking fault. oh my god stop putting food in your face you big fat fuck. sara just stop it.
